Category Archives: Me and Mine

Anything about me and anyone I care about. Personal garbage.

SoHP: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (movie)

I was about to complement this movie for hewing closer to the book than the previous two, but I started thinking about what was missing and now I’m mad again.

It completely glosses over the connections between Harry’s father, Lupin, Pettigrew, Black, and Snape. In fact, I don’t think they ever make the connection between them and their animagus aliases or how the Shrieking Shack became the Shrieking Shack, or who made the Marauder’s Map or why. That’s really important stuff for motivations between these characters, and it reveals a lot of Harry’s father’s history, which he knows absolutely nothing about.

The conflicts between Crookshanks and Scabbers, and the problems they cause for Hermione and Ron are mostly ignored. The deteriorating condition of Scabbers is gone. And then there’s the weird bonus scene where Harry chases Pettigrew with the Marauder’s Map. And all of the Quidditch stuff is dropped after Harry falls off of his broom in the game against Hufflepuff.

So just like the previous two movies, this one is still a mess. It makes changes that don’t make a lot of sense.

But something I forgot to complain about in the novel is that WIZARDS CAN MANIPULATE TIME. Holy hell, two thirteen year old wizards are given an artifact that lets them go back in time and permanently change the course of events for the rest of the story. They’re concerned about Sirius Black getting a hold of the Marauder’s Map because he could track Harry with it, but there are artifacts in this world that can manipulate time. Talk about messed up priorities.

SoHP: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Okay, now we’re back on track. I’m settling into how the pacing of the novel is centered around the duration of a school year. At least this one didn’t end with a monster fight (per say) or a ghost of Voldemort. I enjoyed this one moreso than the previous two.

But let’s talk about Azkaban. The wizard prison. The wizard prison that is staffed by dementors. Dementors literally drain people of their happy thoughts and drive them insane. WHAT. This is not reforming criminals! This is torture! I fully understand that dangerous wizards need to be somehow magically neutralized, but to so fully destroy happiness that it drives the wizard insane is a really, truly horrible way to doing so. Are all magical court sentences to Azkaban life sentences? It doesn’t seem like pulling people out of Azkaban after all of their happiness has been drained will leave a functioning human behind. Why don’t they just execute them?

Speaking of executing them, there’s some sort of tribunal for magical animal punishments (which include death sentences), but they threw Hagrid in Azkaban without any trial because they thought he opened the Chamber of Secrets? The justice system in the wizarding world is as bad as the mundane world! What in the hell, they didn’t even have a shred of evidence that Hagrid opened the Chamber and they tossed him in Azkaban!

I’m bothered that we’re going to learn where dementors come from. I’m even more bothered that we might learn how they’re controlled. Prisoner of Azkaban opened a real dark can of worms.

SoHP: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (movie)

Note: I was unable to rent the extended version through Amazon video so I missed out on 20 whole minutes of movie.

How in the world was this a 2hr 40min movie and still miss so much of the book? I’m already not a huge fan of Chamber of Secrets for being too much like Sorcerer’s Stone to begin with. But the movie cuts out so much of the plot that makes it less clever than it actually is. The scene where Lucius Malfoy is dealing in dangerous magical artifacts? Gone. The scene with Nearly-Headless Nick’s death day party? Gone. And then the phoenix tears are immediately explained when they’re used, making it seem like they can just make up any old thing to address a problem and call it good.

I know this is a magical world. But it’s a magical world with rules. If Fawkes was just an owl or any other bird, Harry dies. He lives because of phoenix tears, which is explained when he first meets Fawkes. Not when he’s on the verge of death!

Then, at the end, the house cup is entirely neglected. And Lockhart’s fate is entirely neglected. I’m positive we’re going to start the movie of Prisoner of Azkaban as if Lockhart never existed. The scene where Harry and Draco are chasing the snitch all over the outskirts of the Quidditch arena and the scene where Harry’s hanging out of the side of the open door of the Weasley flying car never happened in the book for good reason! The flying car scene is just needless action, but the Quidditch scene makes Draco look like a competent seeker when he’s not. He’s a bad seeker. The snitch was right next to his head and he didn’t notice. BECAUSE HE’S A BAD SEEKER.

Just like the movie of Sorcerer’s Stone, Chamber of Secrets is full of unforced errors. It didn’t have to be a bad movie, but they slip up and miss things that even someone like me, who’s only read the book once, will notice and it makes the whole thing look sloppy. Because that’s what it is; sloppy.

SoHP: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Here’s my white-hot take on Chamber of Secrets: this is the exact same book as Sorcerer’s Stone. They both start with Harry being abused by the Dursley’s. Then we have the arduous process of getting to Hogwart’s. There’s some weird stuff that happens throughout the school year. It culminates with Harry Potter in mortal danger against a shadow of Voldemort at the end of the school year. Hundreds of points to Gryffindor, they win the house cup again. Hogwart’s needs another Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor.

Of course, this novel fleshed out more of the wizarding world, and the characters within it, but it’s very disappointing that this novel follows so closely to the pattern of the first book. I’m not bored by any means, but I’m bothered.

When I was a kid, I was into Inspector Gadget for maybe 10 episodes. Then I figured out that every single Inspector Gadget episode followed the same formula. MAD is doing bad things, Gadget goes to stop them, he’s worthless, Penny saves the day. When I recognized that pattern, I instantly could not stand Inspector Gadget any further. I’d seen everything that series had to offer.

I know Harry Potter can’t continue in this manner, or else they’re going to be spending much more time goofing off in class. I know the novels get longer as the series goes on. But I hope The Prisoner of Azkaban shakes things up somehow.

SoHP: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone Extended Edition (movie)

Bear with me here. The movie is an abbreviated version of the book. This is easy to understand. But the changes they made to the already thin plot gave it significantly less impact. I don’t get it.

The whole hook of the plot is that Snape is a bad dude and obviously trying to kill Harry. The movie gets across that Snape is mean, but it fails to make the case that he’s evil. It makes Potter look paranoid that he suspects Snape as the one trying to get the Stone. Throughout the movie, the two barely interact.

This makes the whole red herring reveal less meaningful. Harry barely interacts with Snape, and Quirrel is a background character. Quirrel is basically a background extra. The turban, the stutter, the fact that he’s teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts, none of this explained at all! And I really don’t know what to make of Quirrel’s fate. I guess the filmmakers wanted to make it less gross than boils and blisters.

Here’s the part I’m really unhappy about. They cut the potions test from the gauntlet and sent Hermione away to take care of Ron. They don’t explain that each of these tests were put in place by Hogwarts faculty. Then they cut the one that’s put in place by Snape, and solved by Hermione where Harry was stuck. Maybe they felt Hermione got her time to shine with the plant trap. But Hermione’s whole character in the book is that she’s smarter than Ron and Harry. It feels like the movie really did her a disservice here.

There’s other notable absences. The centaurs in the woods are drastically reduced in number. Malfoy is an annoyance rather than a real menace. I don’t even think they explain what the Sorcerer’s Stone does. This was the 2 hour, 38 minute extended edition. I’m sure I’d be even less impressed by the theatrical cut.

I hope the next seven films are significantly better. This one may have captured the look and feel, but it missed out on the substance of the novel.

SoHP: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

The Dursleys did it to themselves. I get it. Having a baby dropped in your lap is probably a big inconvenience! But jesus christ, Harry was their nephew and they treated him worse than a dog! You know how you drive someone away from your family and the mundane world and deep into the dark world of magic and monsters? Treat your nephew like garbage for his entire life!

It’s not cheating, but I actually saw the first Harry Potter movie when it was in the theaters. I vaguely recalled the plot and the major characters. I was under the impression that Hogwarts and the train and diagon alley were all on another plane of existence, but now it’s obvious that the wizards are part of the mundane world and this stuff exists in these weird pocket dimensions.

What is up with Neville Longbottom? He’s bad at everything. But in the confrontation between him and Ron, Hermione, and Harry, he was right! Harry might have innate skill, but there’s a whole school of skilled wizards at Hogwarts. The staff should’ve been able to handle actively protecting the Stone. They froze him! I don’t recall seeing an apology either. If Neville turns heel, I won’t be surprised.

Overall, there was a lot of worldbuilding and a simple plot, but I’m interested in continuing, even if it wasn’t the Summer of Harry Potter. I kind of get the school age kid appeal of it, but I hope there’s a lot more to it in the next six books because the school stuff isn’t going to keep me going.

Announcing the Summer of Harry Potter!

I missed the boat on Harry Potter. I was just a tad too old to get into it when Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone was released, let alone popular. I wasn’t into it, my friends weren’t into it. Some of their girlfriends (later, wives) were into it, but that was kids stuff! I distinctly recall waiting in line with them for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, except me and my friends were playing Zelda: Four Swords. I was having fun, and they were waiting in line for a kids’ book.

But I missed the boat on a lot of things and I’ve gone back to enjoy them greatly, such as actually reading The Lord of the Rings trilogy way after I saw all of the movies. Good fiction is good fiction. I’ve proven myself countless times to be shortsighted when it comes to looking down on things that are actually awesome but I’m too dense to see it. I’m going to correct course on Harry Potter.

This is the Summer of Harry Potter. I’m going to read all of the (core) books. I’m going to watch all of the movies. I’m going to strap in to the Harry Potter train, cut the brakes, and see where it takes me. I fully expect to learn that Harry Potter is awesome, and if it’s not, I’ll at least have an informed basis for that opinion.

In the next couple months, expect to see impressions and thoughts and whatever comes to mind as I read these books and watch these movies and dunk myself in the lake of Harry Potter. I have seven extremely popular books and eight somewhat less popular movies ahead of me, so I’m sure to have something to say. Some of it might be worth reading if you care about the opinions of a middle aged man experiencing Harry Potter for the first time. The Summer of Harry Potter starts now.

24: Legacy episode 1

I just finished episode 1 of 24: Legacy. It’s still 24, and that’s a bad thing.

I think I made it through the first two seasons of 24 before calling it quits. I didn’t see it going anywhere besides “Mooslums are bad”, “white guy saves the whole free world”, and “torture works”. It was huge while I was enlisted and I found it all insulting on many levels. I felt like a product of a dark time.

In the first episode, 24: Legacy checks two of those three boxes in the first 5 (real time) minutes. It’s like the GWOT and the alternate reality where the GWOT was a good idea never ended for this show. It feels exactly how I remember the show feeling, and I hate that. I don’t know why I was looking forward to this in the first place, but it’s not what I want. The Bomb hasn’t made an appearance yet, but they’re still chasing an item to keep it out of the hands of evil foreigners who hate us for our freedom.

It’s bullshit.

2016 Games of the Year

10 – House of the Dying Sun

Some parts Battlestar Galactica mixed with some parts TIE Fighter makes a pretty good space dogfighter. Missions are short and to the point, and it’s got a real nihilistic feeling to it.

9 – Headlander

It’s a Metroidvania where you can’t jump. It’s pure 70’s sci-fi: weird, colorful, and full of lasers.

8 – Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare

It expands the scope of the Call of Duty series in ways that I never expected. They could’ve called this a Halo prequel and they wouldn’t have been far off from how it feels. It also does a better job of building up actual characters than any other Call of Duty.

7 – Shadow Warrior 2

Sometimes repetitive, but I couldn’t stop enjoying it. It’s got tons of weapons and options for destroying endless hordes of demons.

6 – Rise of the Tomb Raider

This was a great followup to Tomb Raider. It expands upon that game in smart ways and it’s a fun action game.

5 – Firewatch

Calling this an outdoor Gone Home is terribly reductive, but it’s pretty close. The story kind of hand-waves away some of its problems, but it’s engrossing from beginning to end.

4 – Quadrilateral Cowboy

I love everything Blendo Games makes, and QuadCow is no exception. It’s got a great aesthetic and I love the retro command line puzzle solving.

3 – Salt and Sanctuary

I could never get into Dark Souls like I got into Salt and Sanctuary. That’s likely because S&S inherits as much from Castlevania as it does from Dark Souls. It’s a game that’s sometimes frustrating but I could never stay away for too long. There’s a huge number of enemies, and the memorable bosses will haunt your dreams until you finally vanquish them.

2 – INSIDE

LIMBO was okay. INSIDE is amazing. It’s short, but impossible to stop playing. The less said about it, the better, but I will say that it’s one of those games that keeps doing incredible things until it explodes at the very end.

1 – DOOM

I like all of the Doom games, even Doom 3, and I was skeptical that DOOM would be good. It spent a lot of time in development hell. It was all worth it. This is an amazing game that retains the feeling of the original while giving it a 2016 makeover.

Honorable mentions: Oxenfree, Asemblance, Batman – The Telltale Series

Games I probably should have liked but didn’t really grab me, so I didn’t spend much time with them: Deus Ex: Mankind Divided, Dishonored 2

2016 Steam Awards Nominations

For the first time, Steam has introduced some player-chosen game awards called The Steam Awards. They’ve chosen a handful of unique categories, set no release date restrictions, and cut the internet loose on it! While I’m certain this internet popularity contest will be gamed to the degree that it will surely be a disaster, I tried to give it a somewhat measured approach. I tried to stay recent and relevant in my choices, but more importantly chose things I could easily defend. That said, here are my picks for the Steam Awards nominations.

The “Test of Time” Award – Doom II – This is the oldest game I nominated, but for good reason; it best deserves this award. Doom II is a timeless classic that I enjoy going back to at least once a year. It’s one of the best games of all time.

The “I’m Not Crying, There’s Something In My Eye” award – Wolfenstein: The New Order – It’s impossible for me to discuss why I chose this game without spoiling it, but it’s absolutely deserved. I’ve said it before but The New Order doesn’t take any shortcuts. You may not go into it expecting real, interesting characters, but the game is much more than murdering Nazis (although there is a lot of murdering Nazis).

The “Just 5 More Minutes” award – Endless Legend – Endless Legend is a fantastic 4X/Civ style game that improves the genre with wildly different factions and quests that give your simple playthrough a story to tell and explore.

The “Whoooooooaaaaa, dude!” award – SOMA – Here’s another one that can’t be discussed without spoilers, but SOMA is a game with a lot of brain meat to it. It’ll give you a lot to think about humanity and consciousness.

The “Villain Most In Need Of A Hug” award – Doom (2016) – This is a fairly silly award, so I gave it a silly nomination. I guess a hug could solve the problems the antagonist of Doom has. Whatever. Doom is great.

The “Game Within A Game” award – Jazzpunk – Jazzpunk doesn’t get anywhere near enough love or respect, but it’s one of the best comedy games of all time, and it’s got a ton of funny minigames in it. Some are more fleshed out than others, but they’re mostly great.

The “I Throught This Game Was Cool Before It Won An Award” award – The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt – Okay, so The Witcher 3 was getting awards before it was even released, but I’ve been a big supporter of this series since The Witcher and I’m glad this one is enjoying some fairly mainstream success.

The “Best Use Of A Farm Animal” award – Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain – I guess this one’s a stretch, but a horse is a farm animal, MGSV has D-Horse, and D-Horse is a pretty good horse. Easily more obedient than The Witcher 3’s Roach, and you can make D-Horse poop on command and use that poop as a distraction device.

Write-in award: The “Game That Deserves A Sequel” award – Half-Life 2: Episode Two – This is the only award where I’m doing what other people on the internet are doing. We’ve gone too long without a new Half-Life. I don’t even need multiple sequels or a franchise out of it. I just want a conclusion.